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| Now, I know you lot are fussy eaters but here's a couple of recipe's that'll knock your socks off! Firstly, a recipe to make some lovely brown biscuits. Secondly, (you know what's coming!) a recipe to make some biscuits brown. |
| Right, have you got your pinny on? Good, then lets get cracking!! |
A Batch of Brown Biscuits
Prep and cook time: 30 mins to 1 hour Serves: 56 Ingredients 500g plain flour 300g butter, diced 250g caster sugar grated rind of 1 orange 1 large size egg, beaten 3 x 15ml spoons apricot jam, sieved few drops each red and green food colouring 15ml spoon cocoa powder 5ml spoon coffee essence a little beaten egg white a little caster sugar 125g plain chocolate, melted Method Sift the flour into a bowl and rub in the butter until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Stir in the sugar, orange rind and egg and mix to a soft dough. Divide into 3 portions. Roll out one portion on a floured surface to a 5mm thickness. Cut out 16 biscuits with a 3.5cm round or square fluted cutter. Divide the second portion of dough into 16 pieces and roll each piece into a 7.5cm 'sausage'. Make 3 deep dents in each. Colour a 15ml spoon of the apricot jam red, and a 15ml spoon green. Using 3 x 5ml spoons, carefully place a little of each coloured jam into each dent to represent traffic lights. Add the cocoa and essence to the remaining dough and knead lightly until completely incorporated. Roll out on a floured surface to a 5mm thickness. Cut out 12 circles using a plain 3.5cm cutter, then cut each circle in half, using one edge of the cutter, to form 24 crescents. Place the biscuits on greased baking sheets and bake in a preheated oven, 190°C, 375°F, Gas Mark 5, for 15-20 minutes. Five minutes before the end of the cooking time, brush the traffic light biscuits with egg white and sprinkle with caster sugar, then return to the oven to finish cooking. Leave the biscuits to cool for a few minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. Dip the crescent biscuits in the melted chocolate to coat one end. Leave to set on waxed paper or baking parchment. To freeze: Place the biscuits in a rigid container, separating them with freezer layering tissue. Cover, label and freeze. To thaw: Leave at room temperature for 30 minutes, then unwrap. And now for a Batch of Biscuits Brown 
Prep and cook time:None, just rip the packet open before the next 'Stand To' Serves:to constipate you for at least four days. Ingredients 500g bromide 300g cement 250g sand grated rind of 1 pineapple 1 small pebble, polished 3 x 15ml spoons diazipan few drops pastey brown colouring 15ml spoon gun powder 5ml spoon 'decomposition' essence a little airfix glue 125g melted masonry drill bits. Method Sift the sand into a bowl and rub in the cement until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Stir in the bromide, pineapple rind and airfix glue and mix to a soft dough. Add the essence of decomposition and the 125g of melted masonry drill bits to the remaining dough and knead lightly until completely inedible. Roll out the dough on a floured surface to a 5mm thickness. Cut out 6 biscuits with a 5cm square fluted cutter. Colour the dough with the pastey brown colouring until completely un-appetising. Using 3 x 15ml spoonfuls of diazipan, carefully place the drug evenly into the biscuits, so as to not be noticeable to the troops. Finally, carefully position the small polished pebble somewhere in a biscuit in the hope of breaking some poor sods tooth. Place the biscuits on greased baking sheets and bake in a preheated oven, 190°C, 375°F, Gas Mark 5, for 15-20 minutes. Five minutes before the end of the cooking time, remove from the oven. Leave the biscuits to cool for a few minutes, then transfer to a wire rack to cool completely. To freeze: Place the biscuits in a green foil wrapper, and then send a load of unwitting individuals out into the countryside with only your biscuits to live on. N.B. To freeze completely, send the same people out again in the bloody winter! |