Here is your personal, guaranteed, 100% accurate horroscope, specially tailored to YOU and you alone. If you come back to this page and the horroscope has changed, that's because of planetary movement. If you keep reading this paragraph over and over again, hundreds of thousands of times, eventually you'll believe this crap toooOOOooooo....
Try and stay calm today. The things you are worrying about are not going to
happen, however, something a lot worse probably will. So why worry about trivial
things when disaster is just around the corner for you.
Luck waits 'till you've gone to the loo and then nicks your crisps.
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